


now don't lose your fight, kid

by LilacsAndLilies



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Ben Parker Dies, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hot Chocolate, It's isn't that sad I promise, Light Angst, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Lives, Parent Tony Stark, Pepper Potts Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark are Siblings (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker-centric, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home Mid-Credits Scene, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Dies, because i needed her alive, the timeline here is just all over the place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23344777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacsAndLilies/pseuds/LilacsAndLilies
Summary: alternate title: 5 times someone makes Peter Parker hot chocolate, and the 1 time he makes it for someone else
Relationships: Ben Parker & May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Ben Parker & Peter Parker, May Parker & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker (mentioned), Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 17
Kudos: 123
Collections: Peter Parker's Tales





	now don't lose your fight, kid

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Missing You by All Time Low
> 
> This is completely canon compliant with all of the MCU except for one thing. When Steve goes to return the stones he comes back with Nat due to a trade for the soul stone.

It was about 11 pm when Ben peeked into Peter’s room to see him wide awake and crying. “Hey bud.” He walked in and sat down on the bed next to Peter. “What’s wrong?”

Peter looked up at Ben, his eyes watering. “I- I miss my parents. I want my parents.”

Ben’s heart broke looking at the 5 year old child next to him. Peter had lost his parents so early and Ben still couldn’t quite explain to him that they weren’t coming back. Instead he lifted the boy out from under the covers and pulled him into his arms. Placing a small kiss on his forehead, Ben thought of an idea to cheer the boy up. “Come on, I’m going to make you something.” Ben got up and lifted Peter into his arms, carrying the crying boy into the kitchen.

“What are you making?” Peter wiped his hands over his eyes, trying to wipe away both the tears and the sleep in his eyes. 

Ben just put Peter down on the counter and put a finger over his lips. “It’s a secret. You can’t tell anyone.” He smiled, hoping to distract Peter.

“Not even Auntie May?”

“Especially not Auntie May.” 

Peter’s eyes grew wide as he nodded. “Ok Uncle Ben. I pinky promise not to tell anyone.” He solemnly stuck out his pinky.

Ben just smiled before wrapping his own pinky around the little boy’s. Then he turned around, pulling out two mugs and some milk from the fridge before pouring the milk and heating it up.

Peter tried to peak over Ben’s shoulder. He stood up on the counter and tried to lean over. “Are you making milk? But I don’t like milk.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

Ben just nodded. “But this isn’t any normal milk. I promise you’ll like this.” He pulled out a box from a counter and poured the hot chocolate mix into the drinks before topping them with marshmallows. “Your drink is served.” He put the cup in front of Peter before giving a dramatic bow.

Peter giggled. “Thank you.” he grabbed a straw and began to drink his hot chocolate. Ben sat down next to him and they both enjoyed their drinks together in silence, staring out into the ever busy New York City skyline.

* * *

The clandestine hot chocolate nights became common after that. Though the frequency decreased and the times got later as Peter grew up, both uncle and nephew made sure to keep the tradition of enjoying a hot chocolate together at least once a week, mostly on Saturdays.

Ben's funeral was on a Saturday. That night Peter found himself sitting at the kitchen counter alone, the box of hot chocolate in his hands. He couldn’t bring himself to make a cup. He didn’t know how long he had been sitting at the counter, or when the tears had started streaming down his face. 

The door creaked. Peter turned to see Aunt May slowly walking out to her bedroom and moving towards his. “May?”

She turned to face him and Peter saw the dried tears on her face. “Honey, what are you doing here?”

Peter couldn’t help but see the irony. It had been 8 years and neither of them broke that pinky promise. Looks like he was going to break it now. “Waiting for him.”

“Oh honey.” She came over to him and pulled him into a hug. “What were you sitting here for?”

Peter didn’t bother lifting his head from where he had tucked his face into her dress. “Hot chocolate.”

She pulled away, a sympathetic look on her face. “Oh B- Ben told me about that.”

“He did?” Peter should have expected it. There was no reason to keep it a secret except for that it made them feel closer.

May just nodded. “When you were little, he told me he made you hot chocolate on the days you missed your parents.” Peter didn’t say anything, instead turning to the empty cup and hot chocolate mix in front of him. May gently eased the box out of his grip. “Maybe it can be our way of mourning him too.” Peter looked up as his aunt slowly made two cups of hot chocolate and set it in front of him, each with 3 small marshmallows.

“Ben always put two.”

May gave him a sad smile. “But now we mourn three.” They both clinked their cups together and watched the sun rise, hoping that someday, this wouldn’t hurt as much.

* * *

May started pulling later shifts and Peter started staying out later for patrols and they could never really find time for hot chocolate the same way Ben had. Instead it was special occasions, Ben’s birthday, Christmas, and so on. Over time, they started to heal. Then Peter met Tony, and while they had their own bumpy start, he couldn’t help but find solace in the older man. They slowly got closer and Peter almost felt like he had a dad again. The next thing Peter knew, he was spending weekends and late nights at Stark Tower, bouncing between there and the apartment as if they were two halves of the same home. 

Tonight was one of those nights. May had a late shift and it was a Friday night, so Peter was staying at the tower. He had come out for some late patrolling when he heard a scream. He swung as fast as possible to the alley the scream had originated from. In the alley, he found three little kids, bound up, gags in their mouth. Apparently, one of them managed to get the gag to come loose and had started screaming for help. He looked around but saw no one else there. Quickly he got to work pulling the gags out and untying them. “Hey, it’s going to be ok. I’ll call the police and they’ll get you home. Do you know who did this to you?” All three of them stayed quiet. The only sounds coming from them were quiet sobs. One of the older girls shook her head. She looked about 12. “That’s ok. I’ll find him. You stay here.” She nodded, keeping an arm wrapped around the other two. They looked like they were 6 and 10.

After checking to make sure they were ok, he called out for Karen. “Karen, is there anyone here?” His spidey sense was going off, but he couldn’t see anyone.

“There is no one in the alley.” Peter just nodded and started walking further into the alley, trying to see if someone had snuck further in. He hit a dead end at the back when he heard screaming. It sounded like the same girl from before. He ran back to find the older girl standing protectively next to the others while a man held a gun towards them. Peter quickly shot a web at the man, but before he could yank the gun away, the man pulled the trigger. Peter gasped and tried to run in front of the bullet, but he was too far away. The older girl twisted to put herself between the bullet and the younger kids. She fell to the ground.

Peter quickly webbed the man in place before running towards the girl. “Karen, call the police and an ambulance.”

“Of course Peter. However, I feel the need to inform you that the bullet hit a critical organ. She most likely will not survive, even with immediate medical treatment.”

Peter struggled not to yell at Karen. “Not likely isn’t the same as impossible.” 

Karen didn’t respond. Peter focused on the girl instead. “Come on. You need to stay awake. The ambulance is on it’s way.”

The girl just smiled. “I’m not going to make it, am I?”

Peter tried to say no, but even he knew the anguish that was written on his face. “You’re going to be fine.”

She gave a weak laugh before coughing. “Thank you Spider-Man, for helping save my siblings. I hope they find a safe home.”

Peter just nodded, tears slowly streaming down his face. He heard the sounds of the ambulance and watched as the girl’s body slowly became for limp. He knew he needed to leave before the officials got here, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the now dead body in his hands. He saw the lights of the police cars and quickly swung away.

He carefully opened the window to his room and snuck in, only to find Tony sitting on his bed. He tried to discreetly wipe away the tears, but he knew the older man had seen them.

Tony just patted the space beside him on the bed. “What happened?”

Peter sat down besides his father figure. He knew he needed to say something about it, but he didn’t want to put it into words. That would only make it more real. 

“Are you ok?” Peter just nodded. 

“Get out of your suit, change into a fresh pair of clothes, and meet me in the kitchen.” Peter just nodded, confused by Tony’ reaction, but grateful for the space. 

Tony walked out of the room, leaving Peter to change. He looked down at his arms and saw the blood covering it. He hadn’t noticed until now. It felt almost like he was, drifting, like this wasn’t real. Like someone hadn’t just died in his arms. He started going through the motions of changing, not really paying attention to what was going on. He was almost on autopilot when he watched into the kitchen and saw Tony, sitting there, two cups of hot chocolate at the ready.

“Did May tell you about this?” Peter felt a little disappointed that May would share their thing with Tony.

Tony’s face scrunched up in confusion. “About what?”

“The hot chocolate.”

“Why would she tell me about that?”

Peter shrugged and sat down next to the older man. “We always used to drink hot chocolate when we were missing someone. Ben and I used to do it for my parents, now May and I do it for him.”

Tony didn’t say anything, choosing instead looking at the mugs. “She didn’t say. I just thought it would be nice. Seems apt tho. Karen told me what happened. Want to talk about it?”

“If Karen already told you, why do you need to hear it from me?”

Tony put his hand on Peter’s shoulder. “I don’t. But I think you need to say it.”

Peter sighed. “I- I watched someone die. Someone I should have saved.”

Tony pulled Peter’s seat closer to his own before turning to look Peter straight in the eye. “This is a lesson you have to learn if you’re going to keep going out as Spider-Man. You can’t save everyone.”

Peter pushed Tony’s hands off of his shoulder. “But I could have saved her. If I hadn’t left to find the guy, I would have noticed he was right there. My senses were telling me something was off but I still didn’t stay!” His voice gradually got louder. He didn’t remember when he had stood up. 

“Pete-” Tony paused.

Peter slumped back down into the chair. “I should have saved her.” His voice sounded weaker, more broken. “Her siblings deserve to have their sister.” He felt the tears in his eyes again as he leaned into Tony’s shoulder. “I should have saved her.”

Tony just patted Peter on the back before pulling him into a cautious hug. “I will keep repeating this until it gets in your head. You can’t save everyone. You are not to blame.” Peter didn’t say anything. He didn’t even really believe it. But maybe someday he would. 

Eventually, they pulled away and Peter got back to his now lukewarm cup. There were two marshmallows in it. “Tony? Could I have two more marshmallows?”

“Sure? Why?” Tony got up and headed over to the cabinet before pulling out two more marshmallows.

“There’s four people to mourn tonight.” Peter just looked at his cup before taking a sip. It tasted different from the mix they had at home. Maybe different was better for now, as he mourned someone he didn’t know. He looked up and smiled at Tony and both of them sat there, together.

* * *

It had been two days since the funeral. Another funeral where another person he cared about died while he watched. How many more times was he going to lose a parent?

They were staying at the lake house while Pepper helped them find a home. May had been snapped too and their apartment had been occupied by someone else. Peter was trying not to think about how he would never see that kitchen counter again, how he would never smell Ben in the old furniture again, how he would never see the same view of the sunrise they watched every so often, again.

He didn’t know what time it was. It was probably somewhere in the early hours of the morning, where it still feels like it shouldn’t be called morning. A normal house would probably be asleep, but Peter could tell that no one was. He heard crying and heavy breathing and he finally understood that this is what it was like to live in a house that was grieving. In a house that knew and faced loss over and over again, but never got used to the bitter taste it left in your mouth. 

He crept out of bed, careful not to wake anyone, before heading down to the kitchen. He had expected it to be empty, but wasn’t really surprised to find someone else, sitting on the counter. He recognized the assassin from when she had come back with Captain America. At any other point, he would have been freaking out that The Black Widow was in front of him, but instead all he could do was slump into the couch in front of the man.

Nat went on defense and spun around, before seeing the brunette. She settled back on the counter. “You’re Peter right? Tony’s kid.”

Peter would have thought he would just be written off as Spider-Man, but apparently Tony had told them about him. He didn’t realize it would feel so… good to have someone else acknowledge it. To have someone else agree that yes, Tony was his dad, and while everyone else lost a friend or a superhero, he lost a father, again. Peter nodded, trying to pull himself out of his thoughts. “And you’re Natasha Romanov, the woman he loved like a sister.”

Nat looked away. “He told you that?”

“Yeah.” He walked over and joined her in sitting on the counter. “He really cared about you, you know?”

There was a pause, and Peter was almost sure she wasn’t going to answer. “I did. I just wonder if I knew I cared about him too.”

Peter didn’t know what it was about the woman, but he didn’t feel like he had to hide his secrets. Not when she was laying out her own. “I hope he knew I care about him too.”

She looked up at him. “I know he did.”

They fell back into their silence. Eventually, Nat got up and pulled out a cup. “Do you want hot chocolate?”

Peter was surprised by the question. He didn’t think the Black Widow drank coffee, but who was he to judge anyone. The drink seemed fitting. He nodded. “With 5 marshmallows please.”

She lifted her eyebrow, but at Peter’s lack of response she just turned around and pulled out another mug. Soon enough, she slid a mug over to him before sitting down on the counter again.

He took a sip and recognized the mix from that day, so many years ago now, when Tony had handed him a cup of the same thing. “You know, I hated you for a bit.”

Nat froze for a second, almost imperceptible to someone that wasn’t Peter, before continuing to drink. “Why?”

“Because you came back and he didn’t.” Peter didn’t see the need for fake pleasantries. Not at this hour and not with this conversation. 

“I kind of hated myself too. He deserves to be here more than me. He had two kids and a wife who didn’t deserve to have him ripped away.” She pointedly didn’t look at Peter. “I wish I could trade myself for him.”

“I said a bit didn’t I? I stopped hating you the moment I realized that Tony wouldn’t have wanted you to give yourself for him anyway. He wouldn’t have forgiven himself if anyone died in his place. It- It wouldn’t be right and sometimes it’s all I can tell myself that any other outcome would have just made him guilty. As much as I want him back and as much as I want to yell at him for being so selfless, I can’t change it.” He looked her in the eyes. “Forgive yourself. I already did and he would have wanted you too.” Peter got up, put his mug in the sink, and walked upstairs, leaving Nat alone to think.

* * *

How could things have gone so wrong so fast? One minute he was out on the streets, enjoying his date with MJ, the next everyone was calling for his arrest. Even from the grave, Mysterio kept screwing him over. 

He was in the lake house, under Pepper’s orders. She promised him that she was going to fix it, and he trusted her, but the lack of interaction with anyone and the lack of information about anything that was going on outside was getting to him. He couldn’t sleep. 

He slipped out of his room and made sure he didn’t wake up Morgan before walking down to the kitchen. He walked in to see Pepper sitting at a laptop on the couch, two cups next to her. She turned around, a tired smile on her face. “I was expecting you.”

Peter blinked. “You were?”

Pepper just gestured to the couch in front of her. “Tony told me about your affinity to hot chocolate. I guessed that you wouldn’t be able to sleep today.” She grabbed a mug and held it out to him. It had 3 marshmallows.

“Thanks.” He looked at the cup before setting it down and walking over to the cabinet and grabbing one more marshmallow. Pepper, to her credit, didn’t say anything, instead focusing on her laptop.

“Are you still working on stuff for me?” Peter settled back into the couch.

Pepper nodded. She closed the laptop and looked at Peter. “I know you. Or at least, Tony told me a lot about you. You’re about to tell me that you feel guilty about how much work I’m putting in.”

Peter closed his mouth, instead giving a sigh and nodding. “Thank you, for doing all of this for me.”

Pepper just smiled. “You don’t need to thank me. You were practically Tony’s son, and that makes you family.”

Peter blushed and took another sip of his hot chocolate. “Still, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They both fell into silence as they sat there with their drinks.

* * *

Peter didn’t really know what he was expecting when he walked into the penthouse after a late night at work in the tower, but it definitely wasn’t Morgan sitting at the kitchen counter by herself. Once Morgan started going to school, Pepper had decided to move back into the tower. Peter and MJ had joined them on a separate floor after they both started working at SI. The different floors meant that Morgan had no reason to be on his floor at almost midnight. 

“Morgan?”

The girl, now 13 years old, looked up. "Peter?" Her eyes were red. 

"What are you doing here? It's way past your bedtime." Peter dropped his stuff on the couch and sat down next to the teenager. She didn’t answer, instead choosing to lean into Peter’s shoulder. Peter felt tears seeping through the cloth and could hear faint cries. He began pressing soothing circles in her back, trying to comfort her. 

Suddenly, Peter realized what tomorrow was. It was Tony’s birthday in now 5 minutes. He tried to pull Morgan’s head up, looking her in the eyes. “Is this because of what tomorrow is?”

Morgan just nodded. Peter pulled her into a hug. “I miss him too. But you know, he wouldn’t want you to be down like this. Birthdays are for celebrating, not for crying.”

Morgan’s voice was muffled in his shirt. “When they’re dead you can cry.”

“When they’re dead it’s all the more reason not to.” He pulled away and got up, pulling out two mugs from the cabinet. “You know what Parkers do when we miss someone?” Morgan shook her head, a confused expression on her face. “We drink hot chocolate and spend time with people who miss them too.And since you’re an honorary Parker, you get to join in.” He finished making a cup and slid it over to Morgan with one marshmallow, before grabbing his own cup and adding four.

“Why do I only get one?”

Peter just looked at the cup. “One for each person you’ve lost.”

“Oh.” Morgan didn’t say anything else.

Peter sat down next to her again. “10 seconds to midnight.” He held out his watch and they both counted down.

“Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Happy Birthday dad.” They clinked their mugs together and took a sip. Peter looked over at Morgan as she drank her hot chocolate and looked out at the city. He pushed some of her hair out of her face and she turned and smiled at him.

Peter looked up at the stars, taking a careful sip of his drink. There was only one thought on his mind.  _ We miss you Tony. _

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on tumblr @lilacsandlilies4  
> or on discord @LilacsAndLilies


End file.
